Why did the chicken cross the road?

JACK HEALEY:
It needed someplace to lie low for awhile.

GLENN MARSHALL:
Not only did the chicken cross the road, but on the way there, he saved two fellow chickens, a duck, and a badly injured guinea hen and was awarded the congressional medal of poultry for his efforts. And that's the truth.

ADAM BOND:
It's not a matter of whether the chicken crosses the road. It how fast we can get the chicken to get to the other side before anyone notices.

WAYNE PERKINS:
Who cares? Chickens been crossin' the damn road before the Pilgrims set foot in this country, and they'll be crossin' the same damn road when there's flyin' cars and colonies on Mars. That's my opinion, an' I been waitin' a long time to say it, that's for sure...

PAT ROGERS:
I support the chicken's endeavor to cross the road, but I see no reason why he can't slow down, put the brakes on, as it were. But since it does behoove the chicken to cross the road, I'm not sure why he won't let me join him in doing so. Certainly, I can offer the chicken a great deal of advice and expertise in crossing the road.

MARSHA BRUNELLE: STEVEN SPATARO:
Hey - if you don't like the chicken crossing the road - you can move!

MIMI DUPHILLY:
Um... whatever Marsha says...

BRIAN GIOVANNONI:
No, you're wrong. The chicken didn't cross the road. And I know that, because I'm a chicken engineer.

SEAN HENDRICKS:
I like chicken.

PROF: CLYDE BARROWS:
If you count all the feathers, you'll notice that the majority of chicken feathers are from Massachusetts, and that Massachusetts is losing the majority of it's chickens to Across the Road, where the revenue from Tyson and Perdue are, in fact, helping to balance State budgets, offset revenue deficiencies, fund educational incentives, cure world hunger, ensure universal health care and repair that State's crumbling road's and bridges.

DEVAL PATRICK:
I've studied this question long and hard. And from what I've learned, the chicken has been granted the right, by the Federal Government to cross that road and any road it wants. And since it's inevitable that the chicken is going to cross the road, shouldn't we intercept it, while we still can, and put three of our own chickens across the road to do everything Prof. Barrows said? I'm mean, I get it! it's chickens... and a road! It's entertainment!

SAL DIMASI:
If the chicken chooses to cross the road, that's certainly his perogative. But if he ever wants to crow in this town again, he may want to rethink that effort and the effect it will have on the rest of the coop.

FLYING MONKEY #1:
It's likely in this case that the chicken fears the difference in plumage between itself and a new chicken who he encounters on his own side of the road. In this case, the chicken need not fear, but instead embrace those differences. Unfortunatley, we see here that our chicken's lingering plumage prejudice is abundantly clear - as it chooses to flee from one side of the road to the other in an attempt to escape.

FLYING MONKEY #2:
More $$ across road. Who wood blaime him thaat chikn four wanting two mayke a goode lving? LOL! He's the smart one! Lots of money across road. Number #1 on google!

FLYING MONKEY #3:
Have you asked yourself why that chicken needs to cross the road? Is it hiding from something? From the other chickens it's no doubt harmed with it's so-called sad excuse for scratching and pecking. Clearly, this chicken is running from something. Perhaps old age? Look at it's breasts - dry, frumpy, overdone. Hardly what anyone of quality would consider an appropriate meal. If anyone ever put that chicken on my table, why I'd sue, that's what I'd do! Have you ever asked yourself why anyone would serve such a poor half baked excuse for a chicken? ...When? When will any of you listen and stop that chicken before it crosses that road for good!

RICH YOUNG:
What chicken? What road?

THE BELICOSE BUMPKIN:
Why can't we all just get along on this side of the road?

MIDDLEBORO REVIEW:
Obviously, the chicken took one look at his bobbleheaded cousins on the other side of the road, scratching at crumbs, flapping around in circles, and functioning without their heads - and felt an immediate kinship...

CARVERCHICK:
If a chicken, crossing the road at approximately 4 MPH, intercepts a vehicle at, oh say, roughly 50 MHP, which is the designated speed limit on Rte. 44, said chicken would not only suffer life threatening injuries but would also more than likely cause damage to the vehicle and even lead to an accident in which the occupants might suffer bodily harm, or even death. In fact, the chicken itself could become a projectile, potentially lodging itself onto the windshield of a vehicle in the opposite lane, and causing it to swerve into oncoming traffic. Furthermore, as you can see from the graphic below, a chicken faces a particularly difficult and unlikely path in it's efforts to cross the road:

And finally, according to the Center's for Disease Control,

"Avian influenza is an infection caused by avian (bird) influenza (flu) viruses. These influenza viruses occur naturally among birds. There are only three known A subtypes of influenza viruses (H1N1, H1N2, and H3N2) currently circulating among humans. It is likely that some genetic parts of current human influenza A viruses came from birds originally. Influenza A viruses are constantly changing, and they might adapt over time to infect and spread among humans. During an outbreak of avian influenza among poultry, there is a possible risk to people who have contact with infected birds or surfaces that have been contaminated with secretions or excretions from infected birds."

And so, I have just one question for any chicken who thinks he's going to cross the road into my neck of the woods: Original or exra crispy??

CARL:

C RAC

H elps

I ndian

C asinos

K ill

E verything

N ice


GLADYS KRAVITZ: